


Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By

by A Bean (A_Bean)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson just will not shut up, And George Washington is tired of it, Everyone is in quarantine, Humor, Quarantine Verse, Zoom Meetings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:07:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27854774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Bean/pseuds/A%20Bean
Summary: Being an old man has its perks. Being a technologically incompetent old man has even better ones. Hamilton and Jefferson won't shut up in their weekly Zoom meeting and Washington has had enough.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton & George Washington, Alexander Hamilton & Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson & George Washington
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By

It was too early for this.

The only time any of their schedules met up was at seven o'clock in the morning, and Washington had had a late night last night because things for Congress needed to get pushed through and none of his cabinet members were helping.

As it was, Washington was the one who had to actually host the Zoom meeting. He was the only one who would reliably not start it horrifically early and bitch at everyone for being 'late' when they finally signed on at the agreed time (Hamilton) and he also would not start it egregiously late and therefore face the wrath of a small man dressed in green (Jefferson). 

Quarantine was really getting to everyone. Hamilton couldn't argue about whether or not the sky was blue with anyone so long as he was confined to his house- Washington's sympathies went out weekly to Eliza Hamilton in the form of care packages- and while Washington was enjoying the peace and quiet at his home in Mount Vernon, Jefferson was reportedly going stir-crazy and had let himself go in favor of winning basic-bitch arguments with Hamilton whenever he got the chance.

That being said…

"You are a godless man, Jefferson!" Hamilton was currently screeching through the screen. "A! Godless! Heathen! That is you!"

"I am sorry that my abilities amaze you, Hamilton, but I cannot find a fault in what God has clearly created flawlessly." Jefferson on the screen was Lounging effortlessly, sitting back in a chair with one leg over the armrest and holding a wine glass in his hand. Magenta pajamas assaulted the eyes but Jefferson seemed to thrive off the discomfort of the two watching him from their screens. 

"Hamilton, Jefferson, this is completely pointless-" Washington tried but was interrupted by his increasingly agitated aide.

"There is a way these things are meant to be done!" Hamilton said, flailing around his office, not bothering to remain in his seat. "There is an order to the universe and it is not there just so you can come along and disrupt it!"

Jefferson shrugged, lifting both hands into the air and looking every bit as smug that Washington was sure he was feeling. "Have you ever thought that your way of doing things might be wrong?"

Hamilton stopped pacing his office, spluttering. "No! No, I have not, because it would be a sin to even consider! You are the one doing things wrong!"

"Hamilton!" Washington snapped, finally at the end of his rope with the two of them. "For the love of all that is holy, you two, it does not _matter_ if Jefferson bites his ice cream!!"

"But-"

_"I will mute you, Alexander Hamilton!"_

Jefferson snorted, but all was otherwise quiet for the moment.

"Now," Washington said, suddenly out of breath, "I am having technical difficulties."

That wasn't what he had planned on saying, but he was tired of their shit and he didn't care what the members of Congress said, anything having to do with Jefferson and Hamilton could wait until next week. 

Hamilton sighed. "I've told you, it's just the internet, you can't do anything about how slow it's loading."

Washington did his best What Is Technology? Act. "Your picture isn't moving." 

It was. There was nothing wrong. He just wanted to go watch some Seinfeld.

Hamilton had sat back down at his desk and put his head in his hands. "Just wait, Excellency, it'll clear up."

"Jefferson, yours isn't moving either," Washington said, and this was not a lie because Jefferson hadn't moved except to sip from his wine glass. "Hamilton, you're breaking up, I can't understand what you're saying."

"When this quarantine is over, I _will_ come over and fix your shitty ass internet," Hamilton swore. 

"Pay him no mind, sir. I, for one, am jealous you can't hear him," Jefferson jabbed. Washington hid a smirk at this and put his glasses on to further the Old Man Act.

"Zoom isn't that hard to figure out! Even John Adams knows how to use it!" Hamilton seemed to be trying to tear out his hair.

"Would this fix it?" He muted Hamilton much to everyone's satisfaction (save the man himself).

"No, that just shuts him up," Jefferson explained. 

"Oh… how do I undo it?" He knew perfectly well how to unmute someone but refrained from doing so because by God he was tired of both of them. 

Jefferson sighed and shook his head. "Just wait, shortstack over here will undo it himself."

"What did you just call me?!" An increasingly-outraged Hamilton jumped back in on full volume. 

"You heard me." Jefferson's smirk was also audible.

"Why you little-"

"Hello? Is anyone still there?" Washington asked, hoping to God that they'd quit arguing for the sake of trying to reconnect to his screen that continued to work absolutely perfectly. "Hamilton? Jefferson?"

"We're still here, sir," came the droning of his treasury secretary, head hitting the desk in front of him in exasperation. "It's just the internet, it'll clear up in a minute."

Jefferson settled Hamilton's video with a Look. "Maybe the internet's just having a hard time loading all your bullshit."

_"Jefferson I am going to come over there without my mask and I WILL COUGH ALL OVER your goddamn house DON'T TEST ME,"_ Hamilton screeched in one breath. 

"Your Excellency," Jefferson said, sipping his wine, "Are you aware that your very own secretary treasury is making death threats?"

"That was not a death threat! It was a promise to come and cough all over your belongings and see the unfortunate ending of you getting sick!" Hamilton boasted. "Mark my words, Jefferson! Either get 'em right or don't say anything at all!"

"I… still can't hear either of you," Washington muttered as if his internet was on its last legs. "Hello…?"

"We are, in fact, RIGHT WHERE WE HAVE BEEN THIS ENTIRE TIME," Hamilton said. 

"Huh," Washington said. "Technical difficulties, please stand by," he said as if he were reading it from the screen. 

"No, wait, we still have to go over the funding for the-" Hamilton tried, but was cut off as George exited the video and closed his laptop.

Exactly three minutes later, Hamilton texted him one sentence: 

_I knew u could hear us!!! >:(_

"Okay, and??" George mumbled to himself. "I had better things to do." He turned back to his episode of Seinfeld. It was just getting good.


End file.
